The Blessing of a B Minus by Wendy Mogel

Author:Wendy Mogel
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scribner
Published: 2010-03-16T04:00:00+00:00

Encourage Them to Enlist the Aid of Other Adults

College administrators frequently complain that when teens have relatively small problems, their parents intervene at a very high level. The students seem unable or unwilling to work out their difficulties at the ground level, by talking to their professors or resident advisers or even going to see a doctor at the health center when they are sick. These administrators point out that kids who have learned to connect with nonparental adults fare much better in college than those who depend solely on their parents for assistance.

Teach your adolescent that adults actually enjoy helping those who ask respectfully and in a timely fashion. For some teens this means seeking out a mentor in a coach, a parent of a friend, or a member of the clergy. But because a teen’s world is centered around school, many problems arise there, and these problems can often be managed by talking directly to a teacher. Your child may feel that this is awkward or embarrassing. He may ask you to circumvent whatever problem is occurring in class by hiring a tutor instead. But relying on a tutor your mom hired is different from negotiating your own relationship with a teacher. Kids who know that their own private grown-up will show up at their house at exactly four-thirty p.m. don’t need to build up the confidence to talk to a busy teacher after class about the homework load or raise their hand and say, “Ms. Webber, I don’t understand. Can you please explain that again?”

To a child who is resistant to talking with his teacher, you can say: “Students who go to see the teacher (I know it’s hard) do better (I know it’s hard) because the teacher knows they care (I know it’s hard).” Even if your child absolutely refuses to ask an adult for help, you’ve planted the possibility in his mind. Come freshman or sophomore year of college, the seed may start to sprout.

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